And as I gave it to him my heart was torn.

I can safely say, this week has probably been one of the most emotional, stressful and mind-blowing weeks, not to mention the hassle of exams on top. I am so glad, glad is an understatement actually, that this week is now over.

It's made me realize a number of things -
1. not everything is as straightforward as it seems
2. we all judge people and have preconceptions of others before we really know them
3. best friends really are probably the most important thing you have in your life, without them you have nothing, literally, nothing
4. everyone makes mistakes
5. we shouldn't always show our emotions, sometimes it is not necessary

Sometimes when something bad happens to someone so close to you, it makes you sit back and look at yourself, your life, your good qualities, your bad qualities, the good things in your life, the bad, your future, your present and the things you classify as important to yourself. Taking this into consideration, I've noticed that we worry about far too many things, school, exams and qualifications being the main one. Just because you're not the more intelligent, most academic, the person with the best A-level results, doesn't mean you're not gonna do big, successful things with your life. I think school forget to teach us that, it's not all about grades. It's about what type of person you are, how you handle situations and yourself. They are the important things!


I feel a bit blah tonight, a bit sad, I think the week has taken a toll on my emotional state, I don't think the lack of sleep from my exams has helped. I just feel worried, how I used to feel about stuff, don't you hate it when you feel like you're going backwards, to how you used to be, when that's really the last thing you want or need. When you thought you'd got over that, for good, cos it's not good for you... I think I'm just being a dramatic girl. Just insecurities, eating me up again, making me feel blah. Hopefully a good night sleep and a cuddle from my mummy will help?!

Anyway, enough with my rambling post tonight (I haven't rambled for a while I feel! An improvement. I think so!)

Hope all your exams went well, if you were taking any.

Have a good one.

B x

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.

Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment.

I hate technology, once again my phone has packed up. Part of me wished that things such as phones, laptops, the internet etc. hadn't been created, I think life would be much simpler. I realised today that things get so twisted and miscommunicated when you talk via email, facebook, text... Something meant in a light-hearted, harmless way can be completely distorted. Even a simple, "okay" or "no" can cause someone to feel stung or offended, it's strange isn't it? How the tone of someones voice changes everything. I am a complete sucker for this, I am a sensitive person, so suffer from this quite a lot. I always read deeply into things, and usually find myself getting upset or wound up by something someone meant in a playful or jokey way.

Another reason why I hate technology is it replaced one of my favourite things, hand-written letters. I absolutely LOVE them, I have many that I have collected and saved over the years. There is something so personal, that makes you feel so special when you receive a hand-written letter, the sheer effort and time that's gone into it, makes you feel so, important.

I feel a bit, mmmm, funny today. My ulcers still haven't gone and are burdening me with such pain, I could cry. The revision fell flat on its face today, again. So overall, hasn't been a winning day, but Angus & Julia Stone are making my mood change from one of sadness to one of mellowness. Can't wait for all of this to be over, only 158days till I finish school forever. Sounds like a long way away, but also sounds so soon too.

My favourite quote at the moment, one of my best friends said it to me today - "you only realise how good your memory is when you have something you need to forget." Interesting isn't it?...

Anyway, off to make myself a cup of tea and to get into bed with my revision books, and my puppies. Love spending my Saturday nights like this.

Have a good one.

B x

I'll taste the devil's tears, drink from his soul, but I'll never give up you.