Like a broken tape, what you do, what you do, what you do...

Relationships, friendships, partnerships, all kind of 'ships' are so hard. They need constant attention and constant care. Sometimes, a lot of the time, that's the problem, life gets in the way, no ones direct fault. Just the way it is sometimes. I think the reason we fight, fall out, argue, complain, about and to each other, is the passion behind a relationship. We love the other person so much, we miss them, we want to see them, and when we feel like they aren't reciprocating those feelings or making an effort, we explode.

Not in a nasty way, we probably don't mean to offend, hurt, guilt trip or upset the other person. But there is so much love, passion and attachment to that person that we feel put out or jealous. No one ever said relationships were going to be easy, and they're the furthest thing from easy. But I think sometimes we all need to sit back and take a look at our relationship, see how lucky we are to have one another. I think the insecurities stem from previous happenings in relationships, being ditched by other friends, not having attention from previous boyfriends, other partners not making an effort etc. You immediately assume that's where your relationship is going to end up, and yes sometimes it might, and yes other times it won't. You just have to choose which relationships are worth it?!

Life's hard at the best of times, but as long as you make an effort, try and appreciate others, then that's half the battle, right? I think we forget how much we need each other, without friends and lovers your life isn't fulfilled or happy. I know you can be happy within yourself, on your own, but friendships and relationship bring a certain type of happiness, one nothing else can. It's really the simple things.
Sometimes I know it can feel like the world is against you, but see it as a positive, it'll make you closer and stronger. It'll be worth it in the end. And if it wasn't then they clearly weren't worthy of your time or energy. Pick and choose who are the ones worth fighting for and putting up with!

Thank God this week is over, and this weekend is over. Going to Venice in 11days, can't wait. I have a long to-do-list for the next month, my best friendship being at the top! Bad situations make you realise how lucky you are. Can't wait for January to be over, it definitely lived up to it's "blue month" status, I swear it seems to get worse every year.

Re-found my love for Usher's - Confessions Part II album. Such a good album.

Have a good one.

B x

I really wish she had a different way of viewing things, I think the city that we're from kinda ruined things. It's such a small place- not much to do just talk and listen, the men are jealous and the women all in competition.

And as I gave it to him my heart was torn.

I can safely say, this week has probably been one of the most emotional, stressful and mind-blowing weeks, not to mention the hassle of exams on top. I am so glad, glad is an understatement actually, that this week is now over.

It's made me realize a number of things -
1. not everything is as straightforward as it seems
2. we all judge people and have preconceptions of others before we really know them
3. best friends really are probably the most important thing you have in your life, without them you have nothing, literally, nothing
4. everyone makes mistakes
5. we shouldn't always show our emotions, sometimes it is not necessary

Sometimes when something bad happens to someone so close to you, it makes you sit back and look at yourself, your life, your good qualities, your bad qualities, the good things in your life, the bad, your future, your present and the things you classify as important to yourself. Taking this into consideration, I've noticed that we worry about far too many things, school, exams and qualifications being the main one. Just because you're not the more intelligent, most academic, the person with the best A-level results, doesn't mean you're not gonna do big, successful things with your life. I think school forget to teach us that, it's not all about grades. It's about what type of person you are, how you handle situations and yourself. They are the important things!


I feel a bit blah tonight, a bit sad, I think the week has taken a toll on my emotional state, I don't think the lack of sleep from my exams has helped. I just feel worried, how I used to feel about stuff, don't you hate it when you feel like you're going backwards, to how you used to be, when that's really the last thing you want or need. When you thought you'd got over that, for good, cos it's not good for you... I think I'm just being a dramatic girl. Just insecurities, eating me up again, making me feel blah. Hopefully a good night sleep and a cuddle from my mummy will help?!

Anyway, enough with my rambling post tonight (I haven't rambled for a while I feel! An improvement. I think so!)

Hope all your exams went well, if you were taking any.

Have a good one.

B x

It is such a secret place, the land of tears.

Jealousy is nothing more than a fear of abandonment.

I hate technology, once again my phone has packed up. Part of me wished that things such as phones, laptops, the internet etc. hadn't been created, I think life would be much simpler. I realised today that things get so twisted and miscommunicated when you talk via email, facebook, text... Something meant in a light-hearted, harmless way can be completely distorted. Even a simple, "okay" or "no" can cause someone to feel stung or offended, it's strange isn't it? How the tone of someones voice changes everything. I am a complete sucker for this, I am a sensitive person, so suffer from this quite a lot. I always read deeply into things, and usually find myself getting upset or wound up by something someone meant in a playful or jokey way.

Another reason why I hate technology is it replaced one of my favourite things, hand-written letters. I absolutely LOVE them, I have many that I have collected and saved over the years. There is something so personal, that makes you feel so special when you receive a hand-written letter, the sheer effort and time that's gone into it, makes you feel so, important.

I feel a bit, mmmm, funny today. My ulcers still haven't gone and are burdening me with such pain, I could cry. The revision fell flat on its face today, again. So overall, hasn't been a winning day, but Angus & Julia Stone are making my mood change from one of sadness to one of mellowness. Can't wait for all of this to be over, only 158days till I finish school forever. Sounds like a long way away, but also sounds so soon too.

My favourite quote at the moment, one of my best friends said it to me today - "you only realise how good your memory is when you have something you need to forget." Interesting isn't it?...

Anyway, off to make myself a cup of tea and to get into bed with my revision books, and my puppies. Love spending my Saturday nights like this.

Have a good one.

B x

I'll taste the devil's tears, drink from his soul, but I'll never give up you.

I'm too proud, for love.

Today, well, I went into melt down. Literally was on the verge of crying, and I'm NOT crier by any means!! School, exams and ulcers are getting way too much for me at the moment. I think it's the shock of going back to school, but my boy and best friends did come to the rescue, and scoop me up.

I'm kinda stuck on what to write today, apart from the usual - stressing with school, uni, my life etc. But you hear that all the time and have usually heard my rants before...

I saw one of my best friends for dinner last night, helping her with the typical teenage girl dilemmas of, boys! We talked about all sorts, their minds games, their ability to have a hold on you, how there is always one who can - in the words of Adele, melt your heart to stone. I wonder whether girls have the same affect? I'd like to think it's not all a one way street, never can tell. The thing I hate about giving advice, is that people don't always take it. I'm not saying I'm a guru or that people HAVE to take my advice, I'm saying that people don't really need advice, you know deep down what you should do. Best friends just need to sometimes tell you and back you up, confirm those thoughts. What I hate is when that person knows that you're right, but they don't do it. Or make up excuses of why they won't do it. Mmmm, frustrating. Everyone is just scared, scared to lose out or to mess up, no one wants to take risks, but sometimes the gain is so spectacular, so amazing, so more then worth it, they risk not having that.

Anyway, I've got a new song for you, I love it. Love the lyrics. Love her. And she's done a remix with DRAKE! Could it be any better? Hope you like it.

Right, off for a bath, bowl of soup and my trusty business studies books. Yay, loving life! Cannot wait for this month to be over... COME ON 28th! Good luck anyone else who has exams.

Have a good one.

B x

I think I'm a little bit, little bit. A little bit in love with you, but only if you're a little bit, in lalalala love with me.

I've come to know that memories, were the best things you ever had.

I hate January, so much. It's pretty much the worst month ever, makes me feel so like blah. Unhappy. I miss summer, not that it was even the best summer, it was a good summer, not as good as it could have been, but still. Summer, full of no worries, no stress (no school related stress, until results day), no early mornings, no cold nights... etc. It's just, ah, magical. There's something about summer that makes everything seem okay, that makes everyone in a brilliant mood, everyone is untouchable. WAAA. I miss summer. *sad face*

But I am determinded to make sure this summer is going to be even better, even more exciting, eventful and just overally WOW. Everyone has one of those summers which, "changed their life" - I am gonna make sure this one is one of them. Hehe.

I wish I was naturally intelligent, that I didn't have to revise that BAM I had all the knowledge and ability to write amazing essays, without any effort. I envy everyone with that ability or with photographic memory.

Sometimes emotions confuse me, I hate insecurities, I wish I didn't have them, or as many. Funny how different environments make people show their emotions in different ways, mmmm, confusing.

Excuse the randomness. 

Have a good one. 

B x

I could have given you everything you wanted, everything you needed.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you can appreciate them when they're right. You believe lies so that you eventually learn to trust no one, but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so that better things can fall together.

Life is never easy, but it is more fun this way, otherwise, well, it'd just be boring.

Have a good one.

B x

I spent my time, watching the spaces that have grown between us.

Wow, it's been over a year since I started my blog. How times flies, doesn't it? So much has changed, but when life goes by you don't really notice the change till, BAM. Everything is different, and you wonder to yourself, how did all this happen so quickly? How did I not stop it? How did I not see it coming?

The answer - I don't really know? Things don't change quickly really, even though one night might drastically change something, it doesn't mean it hasn't been slowly changing for a while. If you see what I mean? People change, things change, you change, not that any of it is a bad thing, it's just well, different. And different is sometimes, a lot of the time, good. But yet, sometimes change is hard and hurtful, especially when you're either not aware and not wanting change, and when the change painful.

But - everything works out in the end. We all know that!

Goodbye 2011, you bittersweet, changing, emotional, exciting, memorable, hurtful, worth it year. I can't say I'm sad to see you go... But then I can't say I'm happy either. 2012, I'm looking forward to, don't let me down?

Time to, forgive and forget.

Hope you all had a banging start to the new year, mine was, well, urm, surreal to say the least. But that's another story.

Revision is being a bitch even more so, wish I had work ethic, and an attention span. Damn it! So, Ben Howard is helping me, I'll add some of his songs to my Hypster. Love love love.

Hope you have a good one, and that 2012 brings you all you want and more.

B x

Keep your head up, keep your hear strong.