I'm just looking, I'm not buying, I'm just looking, it keeps me smiling.

A random post... I thought all those things were cute.

So, I curled my hair, maybe too much? I look a little like a poodle, but love it all the same.

I think my posts are so short, cos I'm so happy at the moment CRINGE, yes I know. Haha. Hope you're all feeling happy too?

Christmas round the corner, still not feeling Christmassy. Mmmmm.

Oh, I made a tumblr, more time to waste yaya. Revision is a dick, blaghhh. 

Hope you have a good one.

B x

PS. good things come to those who wait, I promise!

I say I'd rather be with you but you are not around. So I'mma call somebody up and see if they be down.

“If ever there is tomorrow when we're not together.. There is something you must always remember. You are braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. But the most important thing is, even if we're apart.. I'll always be with you.” - Winnie the Pooh


You can't beat disney. 


Happy birthday best friend! 


Off to wrap presents. 


Have a good one.


B x

If you don't love me, someone else will, dont you ever get too comfortable.

So, Christmas is nearly here. Am I the only person who isn't feeling Christmassy? I don't know what it is? I wish I did feel Christmassy...

Revision has started, such a little bitch. But I know I've got to do it, which sucks so much, I actually found somewhere I can revise, I think. Quite exciting, hope I do well. Aaaah. Fingers crossed.

I had one of my best friend's 18th - ended with a bang and not a good bang, I had my speech all prepared, but didn't get to do it sadly. Too much drama irrupting. By writing the speech it showed and reminded me of all the amazing things we had done together, from morning runs, dog sitting to our yearly holidays and helping each other with boy trouble. Money really can't buy those things, it's actually crazy how much we've done in five years. Wow. Can't wait for her to do a speech at my 21st hehe.

Talking about time, I'm excited for the future, I think recently I've been reassured. One of the best feelings is choosing and deciding to be with someone in the future, talking about what you want to do together and are going to do together. A gratifying feeling, hehe, can't wait. Hope all goes to plan, you never can tell.

I miss my iPhone SO much, hate the stupid BlackBerry. ARGH. Don't buy the Bold 9900 - battery life is shit and it freezes.

I feel content, I haven't felt like this for such a long time. Dare I say it, I'm happy. Really happy.

Right, got my philosophy tutor now, TWO hours, aaaaaah. Wish me luck!

Have a good one.

B x

I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour. But heaven knows, I'm miserable now.

This time in ONE WEEK I'll be on my Christmas holidays, wow. I just can't get over how fast this term has gone, a little too fast if you ask me. Wish it had gone slower, so much slower. I'm dreading the Christmas holiday, for many reasons but mainly due to the amount of work I'm going to have to do over the 3 and a half weeks we have. Ah, blah, but if I mess up my exams I can only blame myself... WAAA.

On a lighter, better note, I've got all five offers from UCAS for next year. Which is such a relief, I now have choices, if I manage to pull these exams off. So less pressure there. Next year, the bittersweet year. We'll see how it all goes.

I love the fact I've got so close to my now best friends, I think it gets to a point where you make a decision on who you want to be friends with, who matters and who really doesn't. Friendship isn't a one way street and more so recently I've realized this. People are in your life for a reason, you should remember that, whether because they want to be, or whether you choose them to be. However, losing friends and friendships is such a hard and unsettling feeling. Always think it's their loss too, not just yours! Honestly, I promise.

Missing someone, a funny thing, even if you see someone everyday, it doesn't stop you missing them when you're apart. For some reason or another when you haven't seen them that day or week, it can almost be a bigger impact then one of someone who doesn't see the one they miss for months etc. Due to the routine and familiarity, it's so nice when you just love spending time with someone. Did that make sense? Probably not haha. Bottom line, I missed you today.

Got an 18th birthday dinner tonight, quite excited. But alas, another yes, another, clothing crisis. When will I ever learn? Planning outfits really REALLY decreasing the stress that I'm going to face in an hour or so. Oh B, silly, silly, B.

Also, can anyone recommened me some heated rollers, I'm desperate for some, and I want some good ones. Hehe.

Hope you have a good one.

B x

I HATE DECISIONS.

Mirror on the wall, here we are again. Through my rise and fall, you've been my only friend.

I'm currently researching for my A2 drama piece, it's stimulus is PostSecret. Something that you probably already know I love. It's been a harrowing evening going through and researching, finding out, and judging people via their secrets. Okay, maybe judging isn't the right word, well, commenting and empathising about them.

The style of our piece is creative adaptation, meaning that we can take for example, a PostSecret and develop, adapt and create a story about the person/secret, and the meaning and emotion behind it. I'm enjoying it, a lot, it's just - mmmm, difficult as there is no limit on what you can do, sometimes leading us to have billion pound worth ideas haha. I couldn't think of any other people I'd rather be doing this with, my group is just fantastic!

Whilst I've been traipsing the internet and viewing countless amounts of secrets, I feel, almost, rude. These people have opened up, bared their personal, intimate, secret and here I am, looking at them. They're so beautiful - all of them, and it makes you think, everyone has a secret, EVERYONE and to me, it's really reassuring. Everyone has something heartbreaking that's happened to them, yet we're all so quick to judge and hurt one another. Hmmmm. Well, that's life I suppose.

If anyone has used creative adaptation or has any ideas, please let me know. I'd love to hear how other people used the style and what they did with it.

“The children most broken by the world become the adults most likely to change it.”

—

Frank Warren

Two Christmas presents down... Too many to go. Hoping the next three weeks go VERY slowly. I definitely need to invest in a winter coat too, and wearing more clothes. Hehe.

Have a good one.

B x

Lipstick on the glass.

Well, I haven't blogged for ages! Sad times. But I think you'll be pleased to know - I don't have much to complain about. Hehe. Makes a change, doesn't it?

Everything is kinda like, smooth runnings currently. I've got three offers from UCAS so far, all of which I am estatic about!! Got both my first two choices - but then again it's not just getting offers it's the grades I need to get there. Ah just, a relief that somewhere wants me. 

I'm just feeling well, happy, content, satisfied at the moment. Regardless of some of the drama going on in other parts of my life, but they somehow seem to be irrelevant to me generally. I think I've come to the conclusion, no matter how hard you try to make things work, or how badly you want something, doesn't mean you're gonna get it, or that someone wants the same as you. Sad realisation yes, but I wish I had make this realisation earlier, would have saved on the mess it made. People fuck about, plain and simple, people fuck you up, plain and simple, but then at the end of the day it takes YOU to stand up and walk away. For you to decide what you want to happen, be in control. 

So that's exactly what I've done, become the bigger person. I realised I stressed and worried about things that, yeah I could have done something about, but I didn't and subconsciously I knew what I was doing. So I'm done. Hopefully I've made the right choice, only time will tell... 


Ah this philosophy essay is so long, so much to do. The ontological argument is ah, effort, why did I choose this subject? So hard. Makes me think too much! So Drake is helping me through, gosh my blog is basically a Drake shrine. Haha. 

I'm not even gonna start on Christmas. All I have to say is - WAY TOO SOON. 


Hope you're all well. 


Have a good one. 


B x

Jealousy is just love and hate at the same time.

It's here, finally at long, long, long, LONG last!

Drake's album, Take Care is here. I.S and I have been anticipating this album for such a long time. Felt like Christmas came early, and YES it has most DEFINITELY lived upto my expectations and hers, I think?! Hehe.

His lyrics are stunning as always. If you don't have the album I cannot recommend it enough.

Blah, I'm ill - yes I know I always seem to be ill. But I am genuinely ill :( waaaa. I wanna get better, being poorly is SO boring.

I didn't realize really till now, how the past really, really effects your future. I mean more emotionally, like if you've been hurt in a certain way, you now, naturally protect yourself more? But sometimes that's not necessarily the best thing to do. It sucks, everyone has secrets, everyone has something others don't know about them. But, I guess some secrets aren't worth sharing, right?

"Live without pretending, love without depending, listen without defending, speak without offending." - Drake

I thought that was a good quote to leave with... 

Have a good one.

B x  

PS. My favourite is "Look What You've Done" - give it a listen! Hope you enjoyyyyy. 

But believe I remember it all.

Yes, that's right I'm now an adult! WOOHOO.

I know it sounds ridiculous but when I was younger I never thought I'd make it to 18. Am I the only one who thought that? I can't quite get my head round it - I'm a proper grown up, well on paper maybe. Hehe. I had such a fantastic day, a big thank you to everyone who contributed to my day - even if it was just by a text. Birthdays are so lovely, a time to make you feel loved and appreciated, even if it's not sincere. It's nice sometimes to pretend. 

Now, down to busy - UCAS is a bitch, options are even worse, the amount of things I need to do before Christmas is a joke! But, hopefully I'll be able to do it. Finger cross. Have faith me in, as I have hardly any in myself! I just can't wait for this time next year, the stress of all of this will be gone. Yes, granted I'll have a different type of stress probably - but this is making me go insane. 

I've been listening to Drake's - Club Paradise religiously this and last week. Didn't realise how much I like it, the lyrics seem appropriate for life at the moment, "It’s crazy all the emotions forgot in a year" - When I think about last year, or even the year before, I never thought things would be like this. Losing contact with people I thought I wouldn't and yes I know life gets in the way, but a little text or letter wouldn't go a miss. You can't say I haven't tried. But you know what, what's the point anymore? We've all got bigger fish to fry... 

Cannot wait for Snow Patrol's new album to come out on 17th! Aaaah. Love love love them. I've missed them. Even though a lot of their music is quite depressive. I like depressive if you haven't already guessed. Haha. 

LOVE YOU I.S - luncheon soon please? 

Life goes on... Right?

Off to do some work now. Argh. Please someone give me some reassurance. 

Have a good one. 

B x

If you're a bird. I'm a bird.

Short post today... I'm so tired from last nights fancy dress party! It was absolutely awesome, everyone made such and effort. Loved it. 

I think my tiredness is making me all too emotional today, you know when everything seems to be fine and dandy, then BAM good ol' emotions swoop in and mix everything up a bit. As if we all need that... The future is scaring me, a lot! Waaaaa. But anyway, here are some cute little posts that I love. 

Hope all is well. 

B x

We were just a couple of kids, but we really loved each other, didn't we? - The Notebook

In your heart, in your mind I'll stay with you for all of time...

I HATE ALEVELS!

I know all my posts sound like I'm some whiney bitch, honestly I'm not all the time. Promise!

Before I complain about how hard everything is at the moment, I'll recap on how good things have been. Best friend's birthday, various birthday shindigs, seeing Rihanna at the O2 and on the TUBE, seeing my best friends and making actual time for one another,  getting on the with boy well, weekly meetings of the two blondes and curley, seeing family from the other side of the world, etc. 

Everything has been good. Well, has been good outside of school hours. I'm struggling with school, if it wasn't bad enough UCAS being rammed down my throat yet again, I then find out my teacher has fucked up one of my predicted grades - meaning - that universities won't even look at me if I'm predicted grades aren't right. AAAAAAAAH. 

Just want to run away, I'm far too young for these life changing decisions... 

Missed blogging, but been so busy it's really the last thing on my mind. Sadly. 

Come on half term, almost there! 

Hope everything is better with all of you, or if you feel the same please someone tell me it's not just me. 

What would I do without my friends and the boy to help me? Seriously. 

Till I blog again... 

Have a good one. 

B x

“In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.” 
― Robert Frost

You drink as much as me, and I get drunk a lot.

I just realised my WHOLE blog is becoming some, Ed Sheeran shrine haha. Everything is to do with him. As you can probably tell, I'm OBSESSED with him and his new album. Just, ah, words cannot describe how good it is. And I don't know anyone who can't relate to at least one of his songs. Even though it may be a little depressing, you will appreciate the beauty of his voice and the lyrics. 


So, what's been happening with me? The answer, not a lot. The week did not start off on a good note. 8am, Monday morning, after my 100000000th outfit change (in that mood, NOTHING LOOKS NICE ON ME, WHY, WHY, WHY AM I SO FAT AND UNATTRACTIVE?!) so was not in the best of moods, wasn't feeling too well and hadn't had my morning necessity, caffeine. My dearest mother, bless her, decided to start yelling at me as we were going to be late for me going back to school. Which then progressed into a shouting and screaming match, all before 8.30 in the morning. The car journey, well, you could have cut the atmosphere with a knife. Awkward to say the least... But today wasn't too bad, the week seems to be going quite slowly, waaa. Hurry up weekend! 


A big HAPPY BIRTHDAY to I.S - she turns 18 today woo! <3


Don't you love being close with someone, as in someone that you weren't close with. Who you're now close with, someone you share everything with, that you're so open with. It's so comforting when you become friends with someone like that, you're just yourself with. They know your ins and outs, and are still there 24/7 no matter what. I've recently become so much closer with a few people, and it makes me feel so excited and flattered I suppose, that they feel so comfortable with you. Sometimes hearing stories about how others have treated people you love makes you want to scream - why are people so cruel to others? The moral of today, always say how you feel at the time... Otherwise it eats away at you. Not healthy for you! 


Anyway... To keep the Ed theme here, I'll leave you with one of my favourite quotes from his song, Kiss Me - "My heart's against your chest, your lips pressed in my neck. I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet. And with this feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now."

And I know you love Shrek, cause we've watched it 12 times. And maybe we're hoping for a fairytale too?

Here I am. Haven't blogged for ages. Come to think of it, I haven't done anything I like for ages really. Been so busy, year 13 is so intense. So hard. Not coping too well at the moment. Am currently writing my drama notes and thinking about re-takes, making me want to cry. Moral of the story, I should have worked my f*cking ars* off to year 12... But what's done is done now. Argh. 


So my life, hmmmm. It's yeah, not very exciting. Currently thinking about last nights antics, a very good friend of mine had her 18th birthday party, got a little out of hand in places. But was a very good night overall. The outcome of the night - relationships are so hard. Like WOW. I always knew they were, first hand and through others, but I swear they just seem to get harder and harder the older you become. There is only so much you can give to another person, right? This is when you need to be with someone who is similar to you, not someone who is opposite. Whoever said opposites attract was chatting actual sh*t - seriously. 
History always effects the future, no matter how hard you try. So sometimes your relationship is doomed from the beginning, even though you hope it's not. Sometime the best thing you can do is try and if it doesn't change at least you can put your hand on your heart and say "I tried with all I had!" - rather then letting the relationship collapse in front of you. End it on a high, right? Easier said then done. 


Am absolutely shattered, went to bed at some ungodly hour, then went to the gym. Bad move B! Ah. So am going to try and finish these notes, then tidy my room and sleep. Can't wait to get into my bed (with my puppy), I have an unhealthy relationship with it. 


Just think - what were thinks like this time last year?... Scary to think hey, so much has changed. But as the year goes on it feels like nothing is changing. So, do you miss this time last year? Interesting isn't it. So, what's this time next year going to be like? Exciting. 


Off to finish my work. Gave my blog a revamp again! Hehe. 


Have a good one. 


B x


PS. Ed Sheeran's album + is the most amazing thing ever. Give Lego House and Kiss Me a listen to, makes me teary eyed! I know I'm a sap. Enjoyyyyy. x

Tears don't mean you're losing.

You know that feeling you get when you know you've got to do something, that you don't want to do. I've got that SO bad right now. I don't know why? Or for what?... Maybe it's school? But I don't usually get this feeling before I start school. It's weird. 

I feel this summer went too fast, so much I wanted to accomplish and I didn't. But then again on the other hand, things arose that I never thought would in my wildest dreams. Some good, others the furthest thing from good. It's weird to think, that when things are going on around you - you don't really notice a change. But then when you reflect on the past year, month or so you realize SO much has changed. Gosh. 

BLAH to school. BLAH. Blah. 

Bought Lil Wayne's new album, which I am currently listening to. I'll let you guys know what I think of it. I have very high hopes! Hehe. Love Tha Carter... 

Ah, well, I can only have hope for this next year. The last year of school. Which is SO scary, but SO exciting. I cannot wait to leave school, ever get the feeling you've grown out of school? 

Missing you I.S 

H's 18th tomorrow night, on a school night. This is dedication, a good friend right here. Haha. 

Hope you have a good one. 

B x

I have to live with both my selves as best I may.

I cannot believe August is over. Where has this summer gone? I know we always say that about summer, that it "flew by" but seriously, this year it has disappeared.

Went birthday shopping the other day, even though my birthday isn't until October 28th (put it in your diary!!) - was so lovely to spend the day with just mummy and I. Went to Harrods for lunch and a look for a nice present I like. Found some gorgeous jewelery and a watch I LOVE, so fingers crossed. Then popped into Burberry to look at their new collection, definitely need to start saving if I want any of their stuff.

I have a new obsession, well not new, I've loved her for ages! Everyone says my sister looks like her, ARGH so jealous. She was a sex-icon. Known for her 19inch waist. Along with her strong view on animals rights. And is absolutely gorgeous... If you haven't guessed already it's, Brigitte Bardot. I have a new obsession with the french look, how do they do it? Manage to create effortless, perfect, fashion combinations, always looking classy. Envious.

So sunny. Eeeep. September has started on a good note. Everything is gooood now, after me bring depressive in my previous posts I have now perked up. Everything always sorts itself out.

Also, my music box, hypster thing - I have my current favourite song at the moment, Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds... 


Hope you enjoyyyyyyyyy. 


Buzzing for tonight. Eeeeep. 


Hope you have a good one. 


B x


"It is better to be unfaithful
than to be faithful without wanting to be."
- Brigitte Bardot 

I drove for miles and miles and wound up at your door.

Past - "gone by in time and now no longer in existence" 

That is the definition of it in the apple mac dictionary. And it is wrong. 

Just because it's the past, does not mean that it's no longer in existence. The past will never fully disappear or be erased. It effects our future, consciously and sub-consciously, and yes, sometimes that's a good thing, and yes, sometimes that's a bad thing. It's up to us which one of those it is. Hard I know, but in the end it's up to us whether our circumstances effect our later actions. The reason I'm discussing the past is because, I'm so excited for the future! 

We had a family lunch, discussing the exciting plans of the future (some of which I listed a few posts ago which we spoke about on holiday!) - I can't wait. But talking about the past and things would be different also brought a few tears.


It makes me think. Why do we all constantly torture ourselves about the past? We replay it, think what could of done different, get angry with ourselves for not saying/doing something, FaceBook stalk them and then FaceBook their new girlfriend, relive good memories with people who now no longer give a shit, re-read texts, think about all the good things together, etc. When you miss someone so much you forget all the shit they put you through all the upset and hurt, we just remember the good things, the good memories, a bittersweet thing. 
Sometimes it's a curse, what am I saying, A LOT of the time that's a curse. It makes you create a false image of them. But then, it makes you realize that you'll not let, or will try to not let someone else treat you like they did. Ah the past is a vicious, stupid, foolish, mind-game. Blah to it... And the thing is, you can put this all on hold until, you see them again. I thought that my emotions were under control, but it only takes a moment of being vulnerable or off of your guard before BAM. The shit goes down. Every. Single. Memory. Comes. Flooding. Back. And you know what, it hurts, the same as it did before. 


I don't think talking about it makes it any better really, just something you have to learn to put on hold or in a box somewhere. 


Anyway, on a happier note - Nottinghill Carnival tomorrow! Yippeeeee. Am looking forward to next week actually, lots planned. As I said I hadn't seen as many people as I wanted I have now changed that all. 


Hope you all have a good bank-holiday weekend. 


B x


One's past is what one is. 
It is the only way by which people should be judged.
- Oscar Wilde 

So maybe she won’t. But shit than again maybe she will.

I MISS PORTUGAL. AND BABINGTON HOUSE. AND VFEST.


Location at the moment - ROCK BOTTOM.


After talking to a very close friend this morning it made me feel like, everything will be okay. Everything will sort itself out. Absolutely everyone goes through highs and lows, not just you. Everything happens for a reason, and if it's meant to be it will be, and if it's not it won't be.


My sister's FIANCEE always tells me "If you're ever in doubt on what to do, simply, do nothing, the answer will shortly show itself." - so true. Even though at the end everything feels like it's failing apart, 9/10 it isn't and it will all be okay. Well, that's what I think?


I know my blog sounds like I'm some, melodramatic, whiney, depressive, little bitch. But I promise I'm not, well only sometimes. Just not feeling very happy at the moment, ah so on a mission to be happy again. Give me time...


Can't believe school is SO soon. I'm ready to go back, start studying hard and see some friends who I miss.


The past is definitely starting to repeat itself. (so Harry Potter!) In a good way, with a few obvious tweeks. Kinda excited, but also raises a lot more risks this time around. Not sure if I want that? But, we'll see.


I miss so many people at the moment, summer is nearly over and I haven't fufilled seeing nearly half of the people I want. So my mission in the next week. Gonna be tough, but I want to do it! (I.S that means YOU!)


Rain, rain, go away...

"Being single doesn't necessarily mean you're available. Sometimes you have to put up a sign that says -  "Do Not Disturb" on your heart." - Wiz Khalifa

Have a good one. 


B x

Why do you, you wanna break my heart, into pieces on the floor?

I'm back, from an amazing few days away. We all went away to Babington House ((http://www.babingtonhouse.co.uk)) for a few days as a part of my sister's SURPRISE engagement! Babington House is her favourite place in the world, so we all decided to plan a little get away for a few nights. It was fantastic, if you've never been I cannot recommend it enough to go, feels like you're staying with a rich friend, not in a hotel. 


So, her boyfriend popped the question and she said YES! Happy days for us all... Kinda scary she said, but so exciting. 


Was exactly what I needed. A break away with the people I love the most in the world, my family. Was so nice that there was also no signal, so no one could contact us. Kinda wish to an extent that everyone wasn't so available all the time. 


Don't you hate it when you argue, disagree, upset, disappoint someone you love. Hurts even more when they do it to you. When someone knows you so well, or claims to know you well and then you have an argument and they say such horrible, degrading, harsh, low things. I know, I know everyone says things they don't mean in an argument. But that doesn't always make it okay, or make you feel any better. I'm not usually one to get upset, or to cry. But when someone you love, and who knows you, who you're vulnerable to says such wounding things - it makes you think and makes you doubt yourself,  makes you feel terrible about yourself, in all honesty made me feel cheap. Something that I'm not. And the thing is, no matter how many times people try to make you feel better and say the right thing, it doesn't necessarily go away, it's always in the back of your mind. Niggling away.


But enough of that... Lots of things to look forward to this week and next, London shopping tomorrow, seeing everyone at work, Nottinghill Carnival, potentially Yorkshire with my friends, few friends' 18ths, Drake's new album, the list goes on... 


VFEST - was incredible as usual. An amazing weekend, with banging company, and fantastic acts. Well most of them, I must say I was gutted Eminem and Rihanna mimed a lot of their songs. Nevertheless, the atmosphere was incredible and of course, we made lots of FESTIVAL FRIENDS! Can't wait for next year. Yiippeeeeeee. I've added one of my favourite acts of the weekend and the best song to my hypster - Pieces, Chase&Status ft. Plan B... Lyrics are so good. So good. 


Hope everyone who's going to Reading has a sweet time and it doesn't rain too much. Although it's almost more fun when it rains at a festival. 


Right, off for some peanut butter on toast, with a cuppa. 


Have a good one. 


B x

Am I changing right before your eyes?  Becoming someone you don't recognize? - J.Cole

... And your mind is my new best friend.

Well, D-day approached us all too soon yet too late. I hate the fact that I sat those exams over  three months ago and the fact that they kinda, sort of, not really, ruined the end of my summer. So, what did I get? Well, I wasn't overly enthralled with my final grades. I expected a lot more from myself, I did, hand on heart, work for them. But then again, that doesn't always mean good grades or justice at the end. Hmmm. But there is nothing I can do now, re-taking will be coming my way and maybe, hopefully, this is a wake up call. No pissing about next year, to get to where I want, I need to seriously work... Right? Why oh why, couldn't my parents have been geniuses and graced me with high intellect? ARGH. 


Then again, exams aren't the end of the world. I know right now it feel like it, but honestly, in the long run, so many other qualities and attributes mean so much more then a certificate saying you got an A grade in Maths... Hmmm, or am I just saying this to make myself feel better about my disappointment, or do I mean it?... 


Well, VFEST is now here. The longly awaited highlight of my summer is here. I cannot wait. My dip dyed hair, humongeous suitcase, wellington boots, bottles of water, raincoat, chillbee, umbrella, etc. Is all at the ready! WOOP. Nothing is going to ruin this weekend... 


I'm done with people. So done. People are so self-centered sometimes, and don't realise how lucky they are to have friends/family that actually give a sh*t. Makes me so angry, so next year - my focus will be my studies not to make other people happy, or put myself out as much. It's so sad it's come to this, come to me feeling this way towards others. But, now and then you need to be selfish. And to wake up and smell the coffee. In a way I don't want this feeling I have to change, the "I don't care" attitude. That's it then. I'm so done. 


Anyway, wish for minimal rain this weekend please! Hope you all have a good one. Hope results went well. 


Have a good one.


B x 

Well I'm stuck in rewind, though I'm looking forward, Damn. I wish I knew what went wrong?!

I know I always sound like I'm ill, but this time. I am genuinely ill. After just about getting over my chest infection and BAM I have the sorest throat in the world. I should probably stop smoking, as this obviously would make me feel better. But ah, if smoking is the only bad thing I do, then I think I'm doing well. Right? 


After reactivating my twitter account, I am now becoming obsessed... Love it! Feel like it's my mini blog which I update throughout the day. Not to mention having the app on my iPhone I update it all the time and check it 24/7... 


Blah to everything and everyone at the moment. I've really made a conscious effort to try and put things right recently, but I'm feeling like they're all just being thrown back in my face. I really try to be a positive person, but there is only so much positivity one person can have. Especially when I feel like so many people are trying to drag me down and damper my mood. Makes you realise that people always want you to be as unhappy, if not more unhappy then themselves. Just to make them feel better. Pissing me off so much. Somewhere, someone would KILL for your life!! I know everyone has been, is on, a different journey. And I've always been taught to not be judgemental in the slightest. But sometimes it's like AH get a grip stop feeling sorry for yourself and realise others have it so much worse then you, or I. Yes I know everyone has a tendency and a relapse to feel sorry for themselves, but seriously. Don't dwell it makes your own life so much worse...


Everything has just been an anti-climax since I've been back from my amazing holiday. Depressing me even more. *big sigh* - I know I'm now feeling sorry for myself... 


I'm so bummed that summer is basically over, so much I wanted to accomplish before school. And I've done minimal... I'm gonna try and add a few ticks to my list. I'll blog it when summer is over. 


Gave my blog a girlie makeover, hope you like it! Hehe. 


VFEST in 3days... Am so excited I could pee my pants. Going to be an spectacular end to summer '11. Eeeep. 


I've re-found my love for Jagged Edge, so weird. I've added some of their music to my hypster. So enjoy if you like them, or click next haha. 


Hope you have a good one. 


B x


(I'm not mentioning the disaster of a day which will be RESULTS! That grace us all on Thursday - GOOD LUCK everyone!)

Above we all become what we once hated.

Back from holiday. Definitely feeling the holiday blues at the moment... I haven't tanned as much as I anticipated. Which isn't helping my holiday blues, but I've got lots of things to look forward to. 


I'm off to a wedding on Saturday, which is kind of a bittersweet thing. As nearly everyone knows I don't really believe in marriage, I think it's over-rated big time. I know the majority of people disagree but everyone to their own I suppose. However, I do love going to weddings, seeing people looking amazing in their dresses and just how happy everyone is. 


Then off to a BBQ full of wonderful friends, with my date, Mr S. Looking forward to seeing everyone - it's strange when you go on holiday it gives you time to reflect and think about things. Relationships, friendships, past events, the future. 


The future was spoken about a lot this summer, universities, extending the family (my older sister speaking about being pregnant this time next year. Meaning i'll be an AUNTY!), moving house, birthdays... The list goes on. Most of the exciting and of which I'm looking forward to. However, a lot of it bittersweet leaving stuff behind. 


VFEST in just over ONE WEEK, I'm so psyched. With my best friends and all the most amazing bands, not to mention the awesome festival attire. Eeeeeep. Need to actually buy my tent though... Hmmm. 


Like I said, Amy Winehouse's - Frank/Back To Black and Drake's - Thank Me Later have been the soundtrack to my summer this year. But I've also fallen in love with SBTRKT I've added them to my hypster have a listen. They're on my soundtrack at work, love. 


Well, I hope none of you are caught up in the London, Birmingham etc. riots! Appalling. It's rectifying to see communities coming together to clear up the mess and chaos caused by the rioters. I leave the country for 10days and it goes into melt down! 


I'll keep you updated on the week's events. 


Have a good one. 


B x

Wish I could say it breaks my heart like you did in the beginning.

This post is a very controversial post... Yes, that's right I'm going to dedicate my post to the amazing talent which was Amy Winehouse. 


I am not here to comment on her personal life. Although, I would like to point out there is a HUGE difference between, taking drugs and taking an overdoes etc. And to remind everyone that we still do not know her cause of death. In conclusion to this, I do not think it is fair to be so judgemental as it was her own life. Which also ties in with my previous post, you don't know the struggle someone has gone through, or goes through. Everyone handles things different. Her career was being a "musician" and "singer" nothing more, nothing less. 


She was unmistakeably one of the most amazing talents in British history. Her rich, soulful, smooth and distinctive voice came as such a shock from her petit and fragile frame. Amy's most famous work was that of Back To Black, released in 2006. Which lead to SIX grammy nominations, winning five out of the six. Including Best Artist, she has won various other impressive awards such as -  the Ivor Novello award three times and Best Contemporary Song, musically and lyrically for Stronger Than Me. 


It is so strange to think she will never grace us with her presence on stage or be creating anymore of her emotional and poignant songs. It is such a shame and she will be sorely missed now and in the future. But I am sure her music will live on regardless. 


I am currently listening to, Frank & Back To Black - combination which I have just bought off of iTunes. Ah she was just incredible. If you don't own both albums I can't stress how much I love them and how good they are. Will definitely be my summer 2011 albums. 


I'll leave you with one of her quotes, which, basically sums her view on life up! Haha... 




"My justification is that most people my age spend a lot of time thinking about what they’re going to do for the next five or ten years. The time they spend thinking about their life, I just spend drinking. " - Amy Winehouse


Off on holiday, the time has come at last. So shan't be blogging till I am back and bronzed (fingers crossed!) 


Hope you have a good one. 


B x

Trust issues.

Everyone has them. Some worse then others. Some more able to relate to then others. Some more rational then others. Either way, they're there for a reason and aren't going anywhere fast, if anywhere. 


They seem to be able to ruin any relationship. No matter how close or strong you are to each other. One way or another they eat away at you, taint your view on EVERYTHING. But, they are there for a reason and this reason - to protect you I suppose? Due to past events or past situations. Right? Or do we just use that as an excuse to be self-centered and to 'blame' your insecurities on something other then your crazy, unable to let you have a nondramatic relationship for once mind? "It's my trust issues that make me this way, it's my insecurities. I can't help it!"


Everyone loves a bit of drama, you can deny it as much as you want, but that's the bottom line. Everyone loves to know peoples business or to comment, judge and criticise how they handled a situation. We all forget that other people may have had life just as tough as us or even worse then us. I think if we all remembered this then we would be all together a more sympathetic and understanding society. But we never will. Maybe we're all too self-obsessed? Or maybe life goes too fast for us to spare a moment, emotion, thought for others? Who knows. But I try to make a conscious effort to care more... I know I don't do it all the time. So that might be the answer? Be more conscious of others. 


The inspiration to write this about trust issues was of course Drake - I added his new song to my hyperster so enjoy! 


I changed my blog a little, more 'homie' now don't you think? Not sure if I like it... We'll see. 


It's quite unnerving how well people know me sometimes, I wish some didn't know me as well as they do. Hmmm. How to get around that? Pretend to have 'changed' or don't let them know they know you as well as they do! 


SUN came out today. For long enough that I could attend the races today with three crazy friends! Was different to say the least haha. 


Not long till holiday - yipeeeee! 


Have a good one. 


B x

There's always that one person that will always have your heart. You never see it coming cause you're blinded from the start.

I WATCHED HARRY POTTER, and it was amazing, absolutely amazing. But I'm so saddened that Harry Potter is no more. *big sigh*


What is going on with the weather? I cannot wait to be disappearing soon from England, to have a much deserved holiday to Portugal. Where my day will be consisting of laying on a sunbed till sunset. Eeeep. The thought now makes me so excited!! 


Don't you love going on holiday? Who doesn't? It's so nice to get away from all the problems and dilemmas of home, everyday life. Makes you feel missed when you get home and people tell you they've missed you etc. Going on holiday gives you time, time to do whatever you want to do, when you want to do it, with the people you want to do it with. Ah. I keep getting little waves of excitement. Not long now. 


Don't you hate it when you manage to upset yourself. Like, when you play mind games with yourself. Make yourself think about things that are bound to effect your mood or how you view a situation, and not in a good way. You replay a past event or think about a past conversation which then, in return taints how you feel. Do you ever miss the past? Blahhh. I don't think it helps that I feel quite poorly today either. And the fact work was a nightmare, sale time is NOT fun. So much mess. Aaaah. 


So to feel better I'm in bed, having a hot chocolate watching good ol' CSI. An early night is what I need I think. Or my holiday? 


Another think to add to my summer excitement is that my Alexander McQueen sunglasses arrived today <3 can't wait to wear them in the sun. I'll upload a photo ASAP.


Hope summer is treating you all well. 


B x 

I want women to cry and pour out their heart for me and tell me how much they hate it when they apart from me.

Aubrey Drake Graham. It's been five years since this man has graced us - rap loving, r'n'b obsessives and soul singing fanatics with his unique yet familiar style of music.


Drake's first mix tape was created in 2006, Room For Improvement, in his bedroom. Which was available through his official website and myspace. He went on to create another in 2007 called Comeback Season. His third became an official mix tape which went on sale in 2009 called So Far Gone. 


So, the reason why I am dedicating my blog post to him. Well, quite honestly, because I love him. (I know you do too I.S)


He grew up in Toronto, US with his mother. His parents divorced when he was at the tender age of five, which he said effected him deeply, “I had to become a man very quickly and be the backbone for a woman who I love with all my heart, my mother." 
In result of this so many of his songs touch on his parents divorce and how he feels, or has felt about it. In songs such as - Fireworks, Give Ya etc. 


Growing up Aubrey wasn't only interested in music or poetry, he also loved to act. Landing a big break in the television series Degrassi: The Next Generation where he played Jimmy Brooks. His role then ended when Jimmy graduated in 2009, this is when Aubrey began to take music much more seriously, and when he realised it was what he wanted to pursue a career in. 


He was then signed to Young Money Entertainment at the young age of 22. His first album Thank Me Later came out in the summer of 2010 and reached number one on the billboard 200. The album since then has now gone platinum. 


I don't think there is one single song in his album that I don't like. Or in actual fact that I don't know the words to. His songs manage to fit my mood and somehow seem to sum up my feelings, or my past feelings. 


It's not just his music, his whole demeanor in interviews is so down to earth and grounded. He is honest with himself and with his fans, which is highlighted throughout his songs. 


I cannot wait for his new album to come out in October! Woo. The count-down begins. 


I shall leave you with a few of my favourite Drake quotes...
1. “Live without pretending, love without depending, listen without defending, speak without offending.”
2. “It’s impossible for you to lose me…because you never had me.”
3. “Good weed, white wine, I come alive in the night time…”
4. “A woman hands me a blank notepad and says read my book it’s called Everything Men Know About Women”
5. “I need you to rescue me from my destiny. I’m tryna live right and give you whatever’s left of me.”
6. “And you ain’t even gotta ask twice. You can have my heart or we can share it like the last slice.”

7. I say “fuck that nigga that you think you found. And since you picked up I know he’s not around”

8. "If he’s dumb enough to walk away, be smart enough to let him go."

So now my rant about Drake is over. I hope you enjoyed it, haha. 

Hope you have a good one. 

B x

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